I might not be an authority on this matter like some of you out there but I definitely have some experience as some of my friends will attest to.
Quick Disclaimer: I do not, I repeat, I do not and will never date a married man or a man that even has the slightest chance or having a girlfriend. I refuse to join the league of side chicks (No matter how much hope Olivia Pope gives them).
Some of these signs I have seen firsthand, others I have read about and feel like I can relate with them. If you feel the list isn’t complete feel free to add yours in the comment section and if you feel like I have made a mistake, add that one too.
1. He wants to keep your friendship/relationship private.
When a guy likes you, he practically wants to show you off to the whole world, figuratively. A man who has a partner would even be selective with the kind of friends he introduces you to. There will be no evidence of you on his Social Media pages, that’s if he allows you to know his real handles and all. If he introduces you to one or two of his friends, don’t you wonder why its only those two friends you keep meeting.
2. He’s only available at odd hours.
I know this one guy that always ends our calls right before he leaves his car and enters his house. He even tried to make it all mushy and stuff but trust a girl’s stalking instincts, I went through all his social media profiles and saw just how mushy one can get with your own kids, I blocked him danudanu.
Some will often talk to you when their wife is away and would vanish once she appears. He’ll now start calling you Mr.Jude or something. Mthcheeew.
3. He never invites you over
Or at least give you the opportunity to graciously refuse. Some even go as far as faking incidents on the day you’re supposed to come over and then the “let’s just go and see a movie” line pops up. Again.
He doesn’t want you at his place because his family might be at home or he doesn’t want you to see the evidence of his other life.
4. He is good at making promises… And even better at not keeping them.
Some might see this as a guy thing but I think its a Married cheater’s syndrome. They’d make you believe they can do just about anything to get you satisfied even if it means shaking the heavens and the earth. Trust me, the only thing they move well is their lying tongue.
Here are some the lines I’ve heard;
• You’re in school – ” Can you sell stuff? I’d send you some things to sell to give you some extra money” Till I graduated, shingbai i no see
• You’re starting a new business – ” I’ll put in a large order next week because some of my friends might be interested” Na so, you go wait tire!!
• You need a job – “I’ll speak to some of my friends, something will definitely turn up” hehehehe I’m still waiting for feedback.
5. Your mind tells you something is not right
This is where I’d say God really helps. When you start feeling like something about this new guy is just off, you’re probably right. The sad thing is that some of us ignore that voice and end up making terrible, terrible mistakes.
I see this sort of relationship as a train on its track, you’ll always come back to the same stop, no progression at all. Except if there’s a derailment and we all know that’s a huge disaster waiting to happen. No relationship prospers from false hopes, lying, sneaking around etc. Don’t chose to be the other woman.
Let me end with this story a friend witnessed at a bus stop in Abuja:
A married woman was attacking a young lady at a bus stop one day. It was an embarrassing sight. She kept shouting at her.”Leave my husband alone for me” “Let me enjoy the money we’ve worked for” “Husband snatcher oshi” The girl’s guilt was as plain as day, she didn’t even deny it.
As insults were raining, a Jeep stopped and parked. Out came a well dressed woman to broker peace. The married woman was quick to narrate her own.side of the story while the young girl kept hissing and making side comments. The rich woman kept.trying to calm the married one down.
“Wait o, can’t you remember me?” The rich woman suddenly asked the married woman. “Remember those days when I was begging you to leave my husband for me and my children”. At this point the young girl’s interest was piqued. “When I was begging you to leave my husband then, you didn’t answer, now you know how it feels”. The rich woman just went back into her car and drove off. Onlookers were amazed.
That was when the young finally had guts to say “so you dey do this business before, na me and you go share that your husband last last“. The married woman had no other words to say and no energy left to fight.